Kids Who Ignore Consequences

Does your child ignore every consequence you give him or her? Bright Ideas Psychology’s behavioural therapy for children can help.

When children are faced with something unpleasant, they’ll often act like it doesn’t matter to them. When your child says, “I don’t care” or seems unaffected when you give him a consequence, what he’s really saying is, “You can’t hurt me.” That’s because receiving a consequence makes kids feel powerless. Their sense of self almost requires them to respond by shrugging and saying, “Whatever,” simply in order to feel in control again. Behavioural therapy for children can help with this.

Focusing on what you want your child to learn from the consequence—not whether or not they are going to care is one step in behavioural therapy for children that will help.

Personally, I don’t think parents should worry too much when their child appears not to be affected. Instead, I think you should focus on what you want your child to learn from the consequence—not whether or not they are going to care. Behavioural therapy for children covers all of these techniques in detail.

To put it another way, if you’re looking for your child to surrender, forget about it. A consequence is not designed to make your child say, “I’m sorry, Mom, I was wrong.” Rather, it’s there to help your child change their behaviour. That is what behavioural therapy for children really is.  Think of it this way: the consequence for not following the speed limit is that you might get a speeding ticket. You may shrug and say, “Whatever,” to the police officer when he pulls you over, but that won’t stop him from giving you that ticket. And if you say, “I don’t care,” he’ll say, “Well, here you go, sir. Have a good day.” He won’t argue with you; he’ll simply hand you the ticket and walk away. Behavioural therapy for children helpsyour child to learn from their behaviour.

In my opinion, you have to be like that police officer when giving your child a consequence. Don’t get sucked into an argument when your teen says, “I don’t care,” because that argument brings you down to their level—and that’s what they are looking for. Instead, just say, “All right, fine, but you’re still going to lose your phone for 48 hours.” Then simply turn around and leave the room. More details on behavioural therapy for children can be found on this website under the Behavioural therapy for children page.